📱 They're Going to Be on Their Phones Anyway

How Independent School Parents Can Rethink Tech, Time and Trust This Summer

The moment term ends, a silent panic begins for many parents — especially those with children aged 8 to 13, poised between childhood and adolescence, not quite ready for independence yet increasingly drawn to it.

You’ve spent the year investing in their education: interviews, entrance assessments, tutors, prep schools, timetables, extracurriculars. Now summer stretches out — unstructured, long, and full of screens.

You’re not alone in wondering:

“How much tech time is too much? Should I restrict it? Monitor it? Remove it?”

But here’s a more helpful question:

“How can I use this season to guide my child’s digital habits while deepening our relationship?”

Let’s face it: your child will want to spend time on TikTok, Roblox, YouTube, and Snapchat. Pretending they won’t—or treating these platforms as purely negative—only widens the gap between your world and theirs.

But what if these platforms weren’t only distractions… but also entry points for mentoring, conversation, and development?

Here’s how to think about screen time this summer, from the perspective of someone who works closely with children and families across the independent school system.

🎯 Step 1: Reframe Your Role from Controller to Coach

In the world of independent education, we often speak about self-leadership, independence, and character education. These values don’t disappear when a child picks up a tablet — they just take a different form.

This summer, your child needs you to be more than a limit-setter. They need you to be:

• A coach who asks questions (“What do you enjoy most on Roblox?”)

• A co-designer of structure (“Let’s plan the day together.”)

• A reflective adult who models their own digital balance

The more you involve them in the process of setting expectations, the more likely they are to engage without resistance. Remember: even at age 9 or 10, children want to feel like collaborators, not subjects.

🗓 Step 2: Create a Daily Framework That Includes Tech (Not Just Limits It)

Rather than treating screen time as something to be avoided or earned, integrate it into a wider purposeful routine.

Here’s an example of what a healthy, developmentally-appropriate day could look like:

Time Block	Focus	Purpose	Parent’s Role
Morning	Brain Time	Quiet work: reading, journaling, projects	Set the tone: device-free mornings
Late Morning	Move Time	Physical activity, errands, nature walks	Join them or suggest a goal
Early Afternoon	Creative Tech	Coding, filming, art apps, building games	Be curious about their creations
Mid Afternoon	Social Tech	Roblox, Snapchat, online chats with friends	Set time limits and check-ins
Early Evening	Family Time	Dinner, conversation, shared games	No devices, just presence
Night	Wind-down	Book, bath, reflection, prep for tomorrow	Model digital switch-off

Tip: Give each day a “challenge word” or goal — kindness, focus, movement, etc. Link it to their screen and off-screen behaviour.

💬 Step 3: Don’t Dismiss Their Digital World — Explore It with Them

Children won’t develop digital judgement in a vacuum. They learn what’s appropriate, safe, and meaningful by watching and talking to you.

Instead of only checking screen time reports, try:

• Asking to watch their favourite TikTok creators with them

• Letting them teach you how to build in Roblox

• Using their device to create something with them (a photo challenge, a story, a playlist)

These shared experiences do more than build connection. They allow you to model curiosity, humour, and restraint — all qualities they’ll need online.

🚦 Step 4: Set Boundaries That Teach, Not Punish

Boundaries are necessary — but they should feel fair, predictable, and connected to your values, not just fears.

Some gentle but effective guardrails for the 8–13 age group include:

• Device-free meals and bedrooms (especially overnight)

• Charging stations in common areas

• Agreed tech windows (e.g. 2 hours/day after outdoor activity or reading)

• No passive scrolling before 10am or after 8pm

But beyond rules, what your child needs is a sense of why these exist. Use simple language:

“I want your mind to be strong and rested — screens at night interrupt that.”“Let’s make sure your screen time adds to your day, not takes over it.”

🧠 Step 5: Use Tech as a Springboard for Purpose

Here’s the opportunity most parents miss: your child’s tech use can lead to purpose if guided well.

Encourage:

• Building and design on Minecraft, Roblox Studio, Toca World

• Storytelling and film-making on TikTok (with private accounts)

• Learning through curiosity on YouTube Kids, Duolingo, or BBC Bitesize

• Keeping in touch with school friends through voice notes, shared games, or collaborative projects

Let tech become a tool for connection, curiosity and creativity, rather than pure consumption.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Looking Ahead: Supporting Their Growth, Not Just Their Time

Summer is not just about managing hours — it’s about supporting identity formation.

Between the ages of 8 and 13, children are:

• Building emotional resilience

• Navigating shifting peer dynamics

• Developing a relationship with independence, approval, and self-worth

These things don’t pause in the summer. And screens — like it or not — are part of the landscape where they’ll play out.

So rather than fearing tech, or micromanaging it, ask:

“How can I use this time to build trust, confidence and values in my child?”

Your presence, guidance, and willingness to engage without judgement will do more for their long-term wellbeing than any app restriction or screen timer.

🔗 Need Support Creating a Tech-Healthy Summer for Your Family?

As an education consultant working with families across the UK and internationally, I support parents in designing routines and frameworks that are not only age-appropriate but aligned with the values of high-performing schools and lifelong learning.

📩 Book a one-to-one consultation or download my free summer routine planner to help your child thrive — online and off.